“you’re really fucked up”

i got into this really huge fight with my mum (go figure. we always fight.)

anyway, it ended with me vomiting, almost pulling my own hair out (literally) and crying hysterically. that woman can be so mean.

she and i argued about our ideals and how she figured i always try to push mine onto hers, which is a complete and total fallacy. i’m simply trying to show her a new way of thinking; whether or not she accepts it is beyond me. she gets defensive and all hell breaks loose.

anyway, i can handle any argument until they attack my person.

the argument was, “you’re really fucked up. no one no one wants to date you.”

really? i understand i’m fucked up.

i was sexually assaulted on a regular basis FOR 7 YEARS starting at a young age, i’ve lived to see my mother divorce. twice. i’ve been in and out of abusive situations my whole life but thank you for noticing, mom. thanks a bunch. it’s honestly about time. it’s not like i’ve told you a how unhappy i am.

just next time, please be more constructive. please be nicer. i still have unresolved feelings. i still have things i haven’t dealt with. i’m still hurting. 

i’ve been angry and frustrated and i’ve been existing in my own world and it’s a horrible place to be and i don’t know how to get out. i just want to get out. the flashbacks and night terrors have been rampant. i’m exhausted and terrified of sleeping or being alone or in the dark or just everything.

i need someone who isn’t emotionally selfish.